From the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

From the notebook of Hackey Beetlebrow, head scientist of the Mighty Mighty Tenebrionid empire, Stardate 94743.17.

Further observations of the dominant ecosystem engineer on Planet 90189998819991197253, still largely undescribed.

Why do these apes cover themselves up in such ridiculous garments? They serve to protect them from adverse environmental conditions (they do not possess the tough exoskeletons of the Mighty Mighty Tenebrionid race), but there must be more to the shame experienced in many cultures when an individual is seen in a state of undress. It certainly isn’t something common to all tribes of this particular species historically. How did it begin? Was it perhaps the work of a clever male or female to mask physical traits associated with mate attraction so that particularly well-endowed competitors could not be so easily distinguished, and therefore not monopolise the members of the opposite sex? If that is the case, the adoption of this covering has served to produce another trait for sexual selection, in the form of the type and arrangement of garments, hair, etc. In fact, this could have induced the members of this species to have a greater reliance on stylistic and behavioural cues for mate choice, and adopt garment styles that give potential mates the illusion of desirable physical traits. I can certainly already see styles to produce wider shoulders, narrower waists in males; and more prominent behinds, and larger breast in females. That mimicry of the vascularisation associated with sexual receptiveness and arousal is just blindingly obvious. However, by and large, these silly things still refuse to accept that their very lives are run in a very similar way to many of their relatives,  just with some extra things like ‘economics’, ‘science’, and ‘art’; all of which are also influenced by their biology to some extent, especially the latter. Those that try to fight what comes natural seem to be prone to behavioural abnormalities, but most simply turn a blind eye to their own contradictions. Of course, I expect nothing less from the species that can’t even agree that its males and females are of a kind, and one that calls their closest extant cousin a ‘monkey,’ when in fact it shares more genetic material with them than it does with any other animal, including what their scientists call ‘true monkeys’ as well as all other apes.

Never before have I encountered a semi-intelligent species of animal that refused to believe it was a species of animal. What a mad bunch. Nothing like the omnipotent Mighty Mighty Tenebrionid race, who are beyond biological urges, and will surely be the masters of all that is forever! Now I must run out to be pollinated, a purely spiritual experience, quite unlike anything conceivable to those primitive beings I study.

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