A pair of Jehovah’s witnesses came to my door yesterday. They were a husband and wife, he with a small moustache and striped shirt, she with a conservative dress and a hair full of curls. Both had kind watery eyes. The man, holding a bible to his chest, asked if I had studied the ‘big book.’ I had attempted to get through the thing several times, but for simplicity’s sake, I said I had not. He then asked if I had noticed the unfortunate events that had occurred of late. I said I had. He then asked if I wondered what God thought such events. I said I had. He then asked if I knew what the good book said about what happens when we expire. I said I had an idea, but had not taken the time to adequately research the topic. He then opened his book to point out several passages, the pages marked with an elegant silk strip, that suggested that we would not descend into heaven, as I had expected, but rather become dust with no immortal soul to speak of (Ecclesiastes 9:4-10). He looked expectantly at me, but my face is not especially expressive, and probably did not provide him with response he wished to see. He said he would return to explain the upside of all this. Whilst I didn’t appreciate the scripture-tease, I said that I would welcome a second visit. I exchanged handshakes with both the man and his wife, who had not spoken until she exclaimed that I had a surprisingly strong shake. Before they left they handed me a pamphlet, which provided the answer to the ‘dead and stay dead’ problem (apparently, He will bring the dead back to life at some point), as well as the reassurance that the Bible can be trusted as the ultimate source of knowledge, ‘written by God himself,’ because it predicted future events with such accuracy, lacks contradictions between authors (through which He spoke), and is so consistent with modern science that it must be true. This was a little hard to swallow.
-All of those pamphlets you tend to immediately throw out upon reception